Lessons Learned... and Learned Again

1. Do Not Let Someone Else's Actions Dictate Your Feelings:

A minor disruption causes a quick fuse to ignite with a tantrum of inappropriate words and actions.

Their poor performance doesn't need a critique, they are probably looking for you to justify their bad mood. When someone is acting irrationally and makes you feel defensive or hurt, is your response going to be from a place of rationality? Will they receive your reaction with rationality? Take a breath. Observe their actions but don't take them to heart. If this is too difficult, walk away. If the incident needs to be addressed, do it when those involved are calm and willing to reflect.

2. Do Not Let Someone Else's Feelings Dictate Your Actions:

Plans have been made but one of the participants is unhappy. They repeatedly insinuate that the plans should be cancelled as if to say, "I'm unhappy, you should be unhappy too."

The idea that the unhappy individual does not want to participate is entirely acceptable. They have a right to do what they like. However, none of the other participants should be forced to forgo their own plans. This sort of behavior indicates that the unhappy individual wants to be acknowledged, be the center of attention, or have company in their misery. These wants are not the responsibilities of others. An appropriate response, "I'm sorry you can't make it, you'll be missed. Maybe you can join us next time." The disappointment they feel will be theirs to own and no guilt should be felt.

3. Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say, and Don't Say It Mean:

A situation involving relatives or friends results in requests for advice/thoughts/discussion.

The most important part of this situation is that your input was requested. This doesn't mean that they want you to blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. This also doesn't mean that the honest answers they are looking for need to be brutally honest. Again, take a breath. Consider their situation and the best possible honest response you have to offer. Remember that the best structures are well supported, not easily torn down.

All of these points seem simple and obvious. True, but they are not always easily applied. They are not cures for every uncomfortable or confrontational situation. They are tools to make these situations better.